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Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
12:58 am
fuck it's been a long time...
exactly... sheesh!

almost a year, but it has been a great year. it's been so long i don't exactly know what to say anymore. i just reviewed my past 4 years and i am dumbfounded. the past 4 years of my life has been recorded in this journal and half of the people i talked about i have no clue who the fuck they are. but i must say it's nice to write again. a lot has happened since my last entry. i am now taking a class at the community college - good lord knows how it will be funded, other issues...and i have been at my job for over 3 years (flying for over 5) and everything else in between. i miss so much about lj but am thankfull it's not one of my daily addictions. ofcourse mysapce is.

i must go wash my hair dye out now and rest true to my natural jet black and blue hair. thank goodness for clairol.

i truly hope all of you are happy and healthy...good night,
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
10:30 am
tonight is my sarah concert!!!! WHAT WHAT!!! omg, i am so excited to see her! i am taking the girl i met in palm springs, jaymee, and i already informed her about what a sap i'll be. i'm starting to really like this girl. we even, ahem...made out. i like the fact that we have taken our time in getting to know eachother instead of rushing full force into the oblivion.

tomorrow i go on my week long cruise to heaven. my much needed, well deserved vacation!!!! omg, to think...no work, no internet, no phone for a week!! what on earth will i do? BE RELAXED AND ENJOY IS WHAT I WILL DO!
so today i will be rushing around town, trying to get all my errands done and have everything packed and ready to go by 5 this afternoon. that's when jaymee is picking me up for the concert.

i almost lost another passenger the other night. she passed out in seizure and was choking on her own vomit. was slipping in and out of consciousness and turned ash grey. i had to sit in aisle and hold hor for landing. that was actually the exciting part...better than the rides at six flags. anywho...the emt thinks she may have over dosed on some pills. my job is very glamorous!

good day to all!!

Current Mood: excited
Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
1:21 pm
my oh my, how time flies!
wow, it's been a while since i have updated. although i have been working my self to the bone, i really don't have much to say. well i always have something to say just not anything really important. let me rack my brain and see what comes up...this may take a moment. OHHHH!! AHHHH!!! I THINK I FOUND SOMETHING!!!

so i have had an over abundance of caffiene and my heart is going to explode...atleast i feel awake and ready to start my day.
why am i starting my day so late? well, i have a great reason. jaymee (girl from palm springs) was over last night and we finally had our first kiss and she didn't end up leaving until 4am. mmm! she is so delicious! i like her, i like that i am able to talk to her and be my goofy self. we are both not ready for anything serious, but completely enjoy eachothers company. on saturday i am taking her to see sarah mclachlan :)

so i have been on a endless search for some tix to see sarah. her show is completely sold out and i lost all my bids on ebay. just so happened that the other night when i was searching for tix, my phone rang and i picked it up w/o looking at it first. it was laura. we chatted for about 2 hours and she offered to find me some tix for a buddy pass. well, she found some :) throught our conversation, she kept offering such kind words. ie., how much she loved me, how beautiful i am, that she missed me and wanted to meet up for dinner. so i asked about her new gf...they have only been together for about a month or so and are already planning on buying a house together. uhh - ok. the entire time i am on the phone with her, i am thinking of her gf. why is laura telling me all this when she has a gf? telling me she wants me to meet her and blah blah blah. i am not ready to be friends...not at all. she told me that she is now ready to settle down and her new gf has tamed her. mind you, this is her 3rd relationship since we have broken up. anyhow, i had to meet up with her last night and get my tix and give her hers. so i went to the bar, sawped tix...stayed for a cig. and left. when i was hugging her good bye she planted a kiss on my neck. cute, i wonder how her gf would feel. she asked where i was in such a rush to and i told her i had a date. a few hours later i got a couple of text messages. telling me she wanted to meet who i was dating to make sure they were good and treating me well. and asked if i could take her to sarah, since she took me last year. gah! obviously i am not falling back into her, but it boggles my mind of why i still love her. i know no one understands, i know that i am a schmuck. but i do still love her. when i saw her, i still felt everything i always had. there is no place in my life for her and vice versa...i don't belong in hers. but i still feel like down the road we will cross paths. is this because she was my addiction and my challenge? probably.

in less than a week, i am going on my cruise. def. not ready! i am going on a 4 day trip today and then i have one day to get ready. that one day i have to get ready is the night of sarah. so really, i have half a day. SPOIL ME, FEED ME, FIESTA ME!! I AM SO READY FOR A VACATION!! OLE'!

so i do like this girl jaymee, but i am not sure if i am convinsing myself that i really like her. maybe i am just used to falling hard and fast or not at all. with her it's gradual. we waited 3 dates before we kissed and when we did, it wasn't "as" magical as i would have hoped. maybe because it was 2am...why am i analyzing this? she is a great girl, hot as one could be and absolutely hysterical. i am glad i am taking her to see sarah!

and that's about it!

hope everyone is doing well!

Current Mood: awake
Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
8:00 am
good morning lj land! rise and shine...darn it's early. i have had the past couple of days off and today it's back to the grind of 10 days straight. eh, i would rather stay here and play because the weather looks so delicious! yesterday my buddy ian and i went for a 3 hour bike ride all over downtown lb, down to belmont shores and back up on the beach. awesome! i love that man, he is such a doll!
somehow today i end up in oakland, wanted to meet up with lydia (sf girl) but our schedules just don't meet up. next time.
my hair is back to its natural state of cherry, thank goodness the orange i sout. other than that, i really have nothing to say.

have a great next 10 days :( i am scared for 10 days of work. yuk!

ok - another pointless post!
Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
6:12 pm
after spending years holding myself back from saying what i have always dreamed of saying to my brother, i finally sent him an email with no holds barred. i said EVERYTHING! from the shit he has done to my family, to myself, to his life...EVERYTHING! i feel quite liberated in a way i have never felt before. it's all out there. after all these years of quitely suffering, it's done and i can't take it back. all my anger, my pain, my resentment, my fears. i told him all!! fuck him. what did i have to lose? absolutely nothing! i don't expect a response, told him it wasn't nesc. i also then fwd. the email on to my family and my dad came to tears. i think i spoke for all of us in that email. although, i do hope he emails me back one way or another - just to hear what he has to say. such a fucking selfish, arrogant, sorry excuse of a decent person he is. phew! that was a lot!
can you tell we don't get along very well?

wow, i can't believe i just did that...carla is going to be so happy suprised. done.

in other news, oyuki and i are playing phone tag now.

Current Mood: relieved
4:30 pm
i want the betty crocker bake and fill cake pan! imagine the possibilities!
4:20 pm
so i am waiting patiently for oyuki to call me back so i can go over and we can get this started...tic.toc.tic.toc.i.am.getting.a.tic.

my ocd has kicked in with avengence...i got down on my knees and bleeched my kitchen and bathroom floors with a sponge. then the top of my fridge, then i moved on to the borders around the floors, then the counters, then the stove and now i am stopping before i get to the cabinets. oi vey!

my armpits stink

where is oyuki? my friend anne organizes charity / fund raising events and she wants to work with us. hmmm...i am tempted to clean more!

ok - another pointless post.
10:16 am
BAH! forgot about the time change and now i'm a little confused. picture that, me confused? never!!
so this past week was pretty uneventfull! except for the fact that i have an ear infection and worked a trans cont. turn yesterday. i thought i was going to blow out my eardrum! NEVER EVER EEEVVEERRR AGAIN! we were stuck in a holding pattern (circling the airport going up and down) for over an hour. i stuck kleenex in my ears to try to counter act the pressure and absorb any blood if it burst. that's how bad it was. thank goodness i am off for 2 days. unfortunately i can't drink with my buddies at hamburger mary's brunch today, amoxicilin - :(
i LOVE afternoon cocktails, they make me very happy!

so this is my new project...we want jetblue to have a float in the long beach pride parade. i have told you the basics already but today oyuki and i are going to draw up a proposal for both the city of long beach and jetblue. we are offering to raise money by raffles, car wash, house cleaning - ANYTHING (within retrospect)! so, i am excited to see what we come up with! if we get most people to donate a few dollars here and there, we should be jsut fine!

my friend is having a hard time and wants to move into my "tiny" apartment for a few months. i think i would lose my mind! but i can't let her struggle alone...so it looks like i might have a roomate for a bit. i don't want one, there is not enough room for me even let alone someone else. yeah, i have to think about this for a bit. i know that she would walk the earth round for me, as i would for her...i guess that was my decision right there. well, if we were dating that would be easier - but heck, WHAT DO I DO?! i can't say no!

alright, time to start my day!!
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
10:06 am
good morning lj land!
or for many of you, good afternoon! i survived my turn yesterday...thanks to my incredible crew! i love flying with good friends, it makes the pain of dealing with idiots less intense and more enjoyable. my friend sydney has a room for rent in her apt., so i went to check it out and the place is beautiful! 1/2 block to the beach in belmont shores and it's huge. one of those old spanish styles duplex's with the arched doorways and original built in's. i would take it, only problem is it would come out to more than i am paying now, the parking situation is just as bad as it is here and no utilities incl. also, after living alone for so long, how would i adjust to living with someone? i am not a good roomate. i am extremely alpha female...although i do think i would get along great with her. i'm letting it marinate for a few days.

today i am going home to see my family and my FRANKIE!! my aunt and cousin are in town from isreal and i haven't seen them in years!!! also i am bringing my "new" dell inspirion 5100 to our computer guy so he can get it cleaned out and running like a champ. love my new computer! amanda left all her itunes and music files in it for me!! love her! if time permits i am going to stop by erin's work and bring her a hug. love that girl too! speaking of girls...jaymee called the other night and left a message, in a few i'll call her back. def. up for casual equantance!

since long beach pride is next month, oyuki and i and quite a few others are trying to get jetblue to have a float in the parade. they do every other pride (ie., L.A., NYC, etc...) but the city of long beach wants them to donate money. jetblue doesn't donate money, they give away tix. so we are working with marketing and promotions to get this underway. how much fun would that be?? speaking of jetblue, yesterday i saw david neeleman and went to shake his hand. he took my hand, gave me a half hug with his other hand and planted a kiss on my cheek. def. in a non sexual manner, but how sweet was that? my hair was in a mowhawk on the side (a little of center) and spikey around the sides and back and still VERY orange. he said he loved my hair and that i looked great. haven't seen him since before i lost weight. how in the heck does he remember me? he is the CEO of the airline. i really felt so proud and special yesterday to be part of this institution called jetblue. he boarded all the pax on our flight and handed out snacks. incredible, right? so happy that i work for such a progressive / proactive company. i remember my last job before i moved to ny. it was the worst job...they broke all the labor laws and i think it was a cover for a drug ring. no joke. after being raided a few times, it finally got shut down.

ok, enough rambling and i am ready to start my day. still feel like i am getting sick though.

Current Mood: cheerful
Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
6:04 am
i don't feel well, i think i am getting sick :(

someone wanna work for me today?
4:43 am
finally found some time to update, considering it's 4:45 a.m. my weekend was absolutely incredible! over 10,000 people came this year and it showed. so many beautiful women! women of all sizes, colors, creeds - everything! i don't think i have ever danced so much in my life! we hit every party except for the sunday pool party, but i didn't mind. in our room we had 10 girls, one we could have done with out. it's amazing how you really get to see people's true colors when you travel with them. we were all ready to punch this girl...that's a story for another time.
amanda and her friends stayed across the street at this cute little oasis of a hotel. after she checked in, she soon found out that it's a clothing optional resort! so ofcourse i decided to overcome my shyness and we did naked canon balls into the pool, bbq'ed naked, layed in the sun naked...pretty much did everything naked there. even met a hot naked girl. her lovely name is jaymee. she is absolutely gorgeous! 5'10", big green eyes, delicious womanly curves, full pouty lips and has a great personality! she lives about 15 minutes from me, not bad at all!! granted, i am not ready for a relationship...but i don't mind getting to know someone and perhaps a little casual dating.
oh, speaking of which...laura's roomate was there with all of their friends. all weekend where ever i was, i saw koko (her roomate). she, um, flirted with me, grabbed my boobies and even tried a little more. ha! i got a kick out of it! i know, that's bad on my end and a bit immature - but that's what the weekend was about - in some regard.
i stayed away from the hard alcohol all weekend, just kept a full cup of beer. i'm a little sick of beer and am taking a break. didn't get drunk and mantained a healthy buzz. carrie and her new gf are absolutely adorable!
oh!! i saw my very first gf from 10 years ago!! hahah, she says to me - omg, you're so butch! my...how you've blossomed! it was great to see her and she a darling gf! they even played a little chicken in the pool with us. omg - corrie, can't belive i saw her.
why do people think i am butch? I AM NOT!!!! for hecks sake, i wore a red polka bikini. does that sound butch to you?? yeah, i didn't think so.

yesterday morning i woke up to a loud buzzing noise. thinking that there was a beehive around my window, i realized that it was nascar practice runs down the street. the long beach grand prix is next week and i guess they were doing press junkets. my partner in crime, oyuki, came over and we rode our bikes down to the track. somehow whiskey sounded like a great idea so we filled a cup of ice with flask of wild turkey...omg, it was great!! we were such white trash - mexican chineese trash for her - watching the cars zoom by sipping wild turkey out of a gas station soda cup. love it! we always seem to get into trouble together! afterwards we ventured up to the V Room, a dive bar up the road where beers are $2. played a few rounds of pool and started chit chatting with the people at the other table. it was an older man who was missing some teeth and his son. we were freezing and i mentioned to oyuki that i should have worn my other shirt...dirty old man asked if i left my boobs in the other shirt. ha! i lost it there, that was one of the funniest things i have ever heard! i told him wherever my boobs are, his teeth must be there too! we were all dying of laughter!!!

omg - johnnie cochoran is dead.

alright, time to brew some more coffee and get ready for work. i have a trans. cont. turn to jfk today. long day.

so that was my fabulous weekend in a nutshell. i had an awesome time and am sad it's over. until next year...i am ready!

Current Mood: awake
Thursday, March 24th, 2005
8:23 am
gah! the weather sucks!! it's freezing here. supposed to rain all day and it's yucky outside. perfect timing for dinah! amanda will be here in a couple of hours and i have soooo much to take care of today. i can't belive tomorrow is already here!!! rain or shine (hoping it's a warm shine), it's going to be great!!

i woke up with severe stomache problems...have been stuck in the "lav" for the past hour or so. know you needed to hear this, that's why i told you.

alright, have to move my car before it's towed from street cleaning.

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
7:37 pm
two more full days then fri. morning we are driving down to palm springs!! some girls from work are going too...i am soooo fuckin' excited!! i need a vacation badly! just two more days and then i am off to the land of drunken boobies!!! so far we have in our room myself, joanna, carrie, her friend, anne, her friend, mariam, alecia, erin is coming sat. and so is bridgette i think. amanda and her two friends are staying at the hotel across the street and my friends from work are going to be at the doral. I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!!!!!

today my parents and i booked a 7 day cruise for next month. we are going on the carnival pride (go figure!) down to mexico. granted i have already taken this cruise before, same ports on the mexican riviera, but i just want to be pampered and massaged. food 24 hours a day, warm tropical weather and i don't have to do a thing! how great is that, so excited to go on a cruise!!!

tomorrow i have a trans cont turn to jfk and back an dthen i am done until next wednesday. everyone is sick right now, i hope i am not getting it.

can friday please come a little sooner...i am ready!

we finished filming the retake scene today and i found out i get a check for $750. hopefully next week i'll get it. saw the production crew and froze my ass off in the bitter cold rain that blew in. i like acting.

i am exhausted and have nothing else to say.
Sunday, March 20th, 2005
12:33 pm
i have finally decided to be on myspace. if anyone is on, add me as your friend or fwd. me your info :) thanks

Thursday, March 17th, 2005
4:28 pm
it's amazing...when you open
yourself up and rid the toxin's from your life, you get what you give. since i have removed the ex from my life and all the toxic elements that i was dying from (not nesc. pertaining to her), everything has been on the up. i can def. say that i am happy with my life, i am happy with the company i work for and elated with my friends and family.
the other day a co-worker was massaging my shoulders and told me i have great kharma and that i have positive energy. i have known him for a while and 8 months ago he said that i need to be cleansed. lately many people (co-workers and family)have been telling me what a difference they see in me. i happen to agree with them and it feels awesome! granted, i do have my moments - but who doesn't? it just feels great to feel great! if that makes any sort of sense.
everything is falling into place. finnancialy i am still dying, but it is getting a tad bit easier. opportunity has made itself present, and i am going on vacation with some of my greatest friends next week.
i have been searching for a bed, my buddy just called me and offered me hers out of the blue. this past week i ran into a dear old friend and we managed to pick up right where we left off, as if no time has passed.
i am just completely blown away right now...i have learned to trust myself and to follow my intuition.

ok - enough rambling AND i am not even drunk. no cocktails for me today :(
Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
9:33 am
ok, i am a loser. i didn't go to work today and found out everyone else called off the trip too. my reasoning? i was a schmuck yesterday and on my bike ride with oyuki and ian, i decided to have cocktails. one beer turned into 2 wild turkey's on the rocks. how could you not? we were riding our bikes on the beach, went to the belmont brew house for lunch and it all went up hill from there. we were sitting outside on the beach, chit chatting and the booze started flowing. so i didn't get home until about 8 and then i had 3 loads of laundry to do. it was about 10 before i started to get ready for bed and had to wake up at 3. so at 2 i wake up in a pool of sweat and my heart palpitating. maybe i shouldn't drink on antibiotics...just a thought! YEAH - NEVER AGAIN, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO START CONVULSING! oh, and i am sure my wife beater sunburn didn't help.

so today i am going up to my parents house to help them with some work they have to get out and toplay with the frankmiester! i miss my love, he is my heart!

alright, time to get myseelf together, wake up, shower, bring my car in beacause of my cracked window and get to my parents. busy day!

have a good day all!

Current Mood: busy
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
11:23 am
p.s., long beach has the largest gay population per capita in the u.s. and i do have some buddy passes left over, must use them before they expire, so most won't have to worry about flights.
11:19 am
this is still quite a ways away, but i thought i would throw the idea out there. i want you all to come out for LB Pride! it's one of the best pride's in the country, much better than LA, and the festivities happen on the park down the street from my house. the parade goes right down ocean blvd. (where i live) and they shut down the streets so it's one big weekend long street / beach / pride party. it's great fun and would make a great vacation! i think it's at the end of may, so think about it and come on out!!!!
Monday, March 14th, 2005
10:40 pm
what a day, i am exhausted - both physically and emotionally. the doc said it's a cluster of cystic fybroids (sp?) and reccomends a mammogram. in the next few weeks i'll be able to do it. time is not permitting right now.
went over to bender's and consolled her for about 5 hours. sweet doll, i feel awfull. her boyfriend moved everything out and is now on his way to pilot training in houston. she is so completely inlove with him. i know what that pain feels like all too well...atleast i am a good listener and made her laugh.

so now i am boiling a corned beef brisket and must stay up for another few hours. if anyone is awake, feel free to call.

again, i thank you all for your care and concern. with all my heart, thanks!

Current Mood: exhausted
12:35 pm
how random?
years ago when i went to school in santa barbara my old roomate introduced me to this guy ian. mind you, this was before i realized i was lesbo in wolf's clothing. we dated for a while off and on and even planned on moving down to san diego together. plans never worked out but we became great friends and then i moved to philly. we lost touch and haven't talked since 98'. recently i have been thinking about him, just wondering where he is and how he is doing. i was contemplating calling his mother a few weeks ago to get his number and contact him but alas, i never did. so about an hour ago i walked over to 7-11 and who is standing in front of me??? IAN!! HE IS MY NEIGHBOR!!!! how freaking bizarre is this??? mind you, this is not the first time something like this has happened to me. last year i was trying to track down an old friend of mine from high school. couldn't find him and a week later he was on my flight. crazy how it all works out...

in about an hour i am off to the doc. i am feeling better than the other and i thank everyone for your support! it's so wonderful to have great such great people in my life. THANK YOU!

i can't believe ian is my neighbor...i am completely and utterly BLOWN AWAY!!
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